Gratitude Talk 2008

Just wanted to put this somewhere where I can get at it and not lose it:


On June 15, 1775, George Washington was named the commander in chief of the continental forces. He took command at Cambridge, Mass., and found not an army but a force of unorganized, poorly disciplined, short-term enlisted militia, officered by men who were often insubordinate. During the next six years Washington dealt with overwhelming odds in fighting the American Revolution. The continental congress often neglected to pay the troops. He, more than once, paid the wages of his army from his own pocket when he himself never received any pay for the entirety of the war. Washington dealt with shortages of food, clothing, arms, and gunpowder, an essential part of fighting a war. The magnitude of the British army was overwhelming and in sheer numbers Washington, in fact, lost more battles than he won. The effects of such hardship and resistance from the very army, citizens and congress that he was sacrificing to protect could have embittered him. He had every right, by our standards, to feel resentful of that period of his life. Yet when he wrote of the American Revolution years after he said "...The man must be bad indeed who can look upon the events of the American Revolution without feeling the warmest gratitude towards the great author of the Universe whose divine interposition was so frequently manifested in our behalf. And it is my earnest prayer that we may so conduct ourselves as to merit a continuance of those blessings with which we have hitherto been favored."
When many saw just the trials, Washington saw the miracles. On December 5, 1833, the Prophet Joseph Smith wrote to Church leaders presiding over the Saints who were being persecuted in Missouri: “Remember not to murmur at the dealings of God with His creatures. You are not as yet brought into as trying circumstances as were the ancient Prophets and Apostles. Call to mind a Daniel, the three Hebrew children [Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego], Jeremiah, Paul, Stephen, and many others, too numerous to mention, who were stoned, sawn asunder, tempted, slain with the sword, and [who] wandered about in sheep skins and goat skins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented, of whom the world was not worthy. They wandered in deserts and in mountains, and hid in dens and caves of the earth; yet they all obtained a good report through faith and amidst all their afflictions they rejoiced that they were counted worthy to receive persecutions for Christ’s sake.”
In fact, it seems that if one looks at history: the prophets, the founding fathers, even biographies of those that aren’t as well known, those that had the greatest cause to complain were often found praising God and enumerating the many ways in which they are blessed.
Cicero said “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” Putting that statement to the test, we might say that if you were looking to cultivate more patience, remembering and being thankful for all the times others were patient while teaching or helping us when they had better things to do would help us. If we are struggling to forgive another, might we first recognize how grateful we were for the many times we have fallen short or trespassed another and were still forgiven. Even charity, the pure love of Christ, could not hope to be attained with an ungrateful attitude.
D&C 59:21 reads “And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments.” From this scripture it is evident that Heavenly Father considers a grateful heart to be an essential attribute of his people. “…Ingratitude is self-centered. It is form of pride.” (Faust) In 1 Thessalonians 5:18, we are told by the Apostle Paul, “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God.” Both scriptures demonstrate that God takes the sin of ingratitude very seriously and even considers gratitude a commandment.
And, of course, as with all commandments given us Heavenly Father rewards us greatly for having the spirit of gratitude in our lives. D&C 78:19 states, “And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.” The Lord promises great blessings if we are humble enough to recognize His hand. The power of gratitude can be life transforming and the great thing is it doesn’t require anything more than simply seeing what has been right in front of our face the entire time.
The power of gratitude is evident in the oft sung hymn Count Your Blessings:
1. When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings; name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.
2. Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings; ev’ry doubt will fly,
And you will be singing as the days go by.
3. When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you his wealth untold.
Count your many blessings; money cannot buy
Your reward in heaven nor your home on high.
4. So amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged; God is over all.
Count your many blessings; angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.
Counting your blessings is an admittedly simple solution to some very complicated problems in life. But it is guaranteed to lighten burdens and put our seemingly insurmountable problems in a more manageable perspective.
I loved President Monson’s talk in October’s conference. He said that recognizing our blessings were essential to understanding how precious life is. President Monson mentioned Thornton Wilder’s play Our Town.
“In the play Emily Webb dies in childbirth, and we read of the lonely grief of her young husband, George, left with their four-year-old son. Emily does not wish to rest in peace; she wants to experience again the joys of her life. She is granted the privilege of returning to earth and reliving her 12th birthday. At first it is exciting to be young again, but the excitement wears off quickly. The day holds no joy now that Emily knows what is in store for the future. It is unbearably painful to realize how unaware she had been of the meaning and wonder of life while she was alive. Before returning to her resting place, Emily laments, “Do … human beings ever realize life while they live it—every, every minute?”
President Monson goes on to say: “Our realization of what is most important in life goes hand in hand with gratitude for our blessings.
Said one well-known author: “Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend … when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present—love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness]—the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth.”
Often we cannot control when the times of feast or famine come, but we can control how we treat those around us, how hard we work and how we look upon the abundance that we do have. It seems to be the human condition that we are to look to the future or some other place and think “I will be happy when…” President Monson pointed out that living life in the now, being thankful for what you have now is essential for happiness. He related a story that Arthur Gordon wrote in a national magazine:
“When I was around thirteen and my brother ten, Father had promised to take us to the circus. But at lunchtime there was a phone call; some urgent business required his attention downtown. We braced ourselves for disappointment. Then we heard him say [into the phone], ‘No, I won’t be down. It’ll have to wait.’
“When he came back to the table, Mother smiled. ‘The circus keeps coming back, you know,’ [she said.]
“‘I know,’ said Father. ‘But childhood doesn’t.’”2
President Monson continues: “If you have children who are grown and gone, in all likelihood you have occasionally felt pangs of loss and the recognition that you didn’t appreciate that time of life as much as you should have. Of course, there is no going back, but only forward. Rather than dwelling on the past, we should make the most of today, of the here and now, doing all we can to provide pleasant memories for the future.
If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly.”
This statement, of course, made a particular impression on me as I am constantly feeling like a hamster in its wheel while taking care of my three young children, cleaning up after them, tripping on their toys, cooking them food they don’t want to eat. In fact, for me, the most terrifying part of giving talks today was not me standing up here speaking, but sitting down there with three toddlers trying to keep them quiet while their Dad is up here speaking. But this is an essential part of gratitude. We cannot put off our happiness until tomorrow. We, too often find ourselves looking forward or back to say “We will be happy when…” We are effectively saying “We will be grateful when…” and when we are saying that… what message are we sending to our Father in Heaven? That despite all He has given us, the abundance with which He has blessed us, we can not be grateful for it all until our terms for happiness are met. Our own agenda for what we believe will make us happy is fulfilled. We will never be happy if we are not grateful with what we have now.
So what do we do to feel gratitude now? In the story I just related the father had a choice of what to spend his time doing. Many times we do not have a choice, we must be working. But when we have a choice, we should choose to cultivate those relationships that matter. Be it close friends, fellow ward members, but most especially family. Nothing increases your gratitude for you loved ones like spending quality time with them often.
Secondly, we should make it a habit of expressing our gratitude. Often we do this privately in our own minds, but we should take the opportunity to express it out loud. Make it a habit! William Arthur Ward said, “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” Gratitude left unsaid does little good to either party. There is so much negativity out there in the world, saying something nice to someone too often takes them aback and they are at a loss off how to respond. That is a terrible shame.
President Monson suggested: ”Send that note to the friend you’ve been neglecting; give your child a hug; give your parents a hug; say “I love you” more; always express your thanks. Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Friends move away, children grow up, loved ones pass on. It’s so easy to take others for granted, until that day when they’re gone from our lives and we are left with feelings of “what if” and “if only.” Said author Harriet Beecher Stowe, “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.”
When Blake and I were sealed, our sealer gave us a piece of advice. He told us that when we knelt for our nightly prayers as a couple (and we were to trade off who was to say them), that we were to thank Heavenly Father for our spouse and pray to be worthy of them. I have never forgotten that advise and it has actually made for some pretty funny situations when one of us was mad at the other and we had to be thankful for them and pray to be worthy of them. But, even in times of anger, it had a great impact on me mentally when I expressed thanks for my spouse, because it brought to my mind all those things he had done for me lately and made me more grateful for him.
I also had a teacher for a missionary prep course at BYU who said that his wife had told him everyday of their forty-year marriage that she was so grateful to be married to him and that she was the luckiest woman in the world. He openly admitted that this was probably far from the truth, but, he saidm it had a profound effect on him being told that everyday. He said that it made him a better person, just knowing that his wife was grateful for him made him strive to be the husband she already believed him to be. Gratitude expressed can have a powerful effect on both parties.
Of course a huge part of gratitude is to express thanks to our Father in Heaven. I remember a talk where the speaker told us to try praying in the morning for that which we needed, but leave the evening prayer to simply express thanks. Not to ask for anything, but to count your blessings. What a wonderful opportunity it is to set aside time in your day to get on your knees and count your blessings; to say simply “Thank You” without asking for anything; to just allow yourself to feel grateful.
Another idea is to keep a gratitude journal. It doesn’t have to be involved. Just write a line a day of things you are thankful for. You will be surprised at how fast it will grow. It also help us by reminding us daily to be thankful for what we have and helps us appreciate the little blessings that come to us often, but we take no notice.
Doing just a few more things a day to express gratitude to our Heavenly Father and to others around us can have the potential to change our lives for the better. We will be happier, we will be more content and we will start seeing the miracles that occur right in front of our face everyday. And who knows, we might actually stop focusing on our trials. Melodie Beattie said:
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”